[Much like the Turkey Day article, this was posted on time at www.loserturdmafia.com, only with this, I have dated myself.]
What greater feeling is there than the communal assembly of our dearest and nearest? The congregation of the masses who have been thrown from the main stream to mock each other and the society which tossed us on our asses. Only a mid-day sleep can equal. That is why there is Loser Fest.
The annual gathering of the members of a secret organization. This is the time when they feed on the misery of one another’s lives and ridicule those who have it all. We gather with the intent of having the best time we can at the expense of others, and who can blame us? Celebrate the unity of our souls with pudding and blood. Every pivotal moment in my life has involved these items, and I cannot imagine it otherwise.
People will gather from all places of the world, and all walks of life. From Lawrenceburg, Evansville, the Shire, Aurora, and even people from Foriland. From the wonderful friends from the past, and perhaps friends from the future, to give us advice and medicine to cure a fatal disease so the future does not become an apocalyptic landscape ruled by tyrannical dictators who are really cybernetic beings from distant worlds. However, there are those who’s presence will be missed. Those who are too ass tight to purchase tickets, too good to come, and those who just will not be here until 2005, and never get on Yahoo so you can never talk to them. These are the people who will be missed. Well, not two of the three.
I pity the people who do not come regardless of non-communication. They are the ones who will weep themselves to sleep for once. They are flawed. With the culmination of the events at hand, how can one not be excited. Even one such as myself, renown for their inhuman apathy cannot seem to contain their excitement. Arriving at the locale of Loser Fest will be extraordinary. Providing the estate of the Broughton’s for Loser Fest is a great service. We salute you Tony, you are a hero in all of our hearts, wherever you are.
Of course we cannot overlook the services of other people as well. I am sure everyone has been reading the forums, (And if you have not, then you are a lazy fucker, the link is only ten above mine) then you have heard the possibility of live bands. If it was not for the worthless abilities of these people, I might look forward to it. Over looking the feeble bands, I am pleased with the other events. A favorite of the LTM is of course the savage beating of each other with padded mittens, otherwise know as Boxing. Seeing the maiming of the weak is always a good time. Even the muttering of another pastime brings shivering in the skin of the people known to it. Pudding. The word itself brings the hopes of the misfortunate, but you can do no more that whisper it, anything more, and the fragile idea will shatter. Pudding. And the natural blunderings of usual people: The Prathers, Gharid [Jarod], and Jesse. Plus a barrage of secret events.
These are the focal points of Loser Fest. How can one pass these up? For the diminutive price of $5 (or $7 is you are a stupid fucktard) you are privy to these spectacles, along with the pleasures unbeknownst to the likes of you. If you do not attend Loser Fest 2003, I will remove the skin from your heals, and sever each of your toes with a small Shiv, for you are so fucking Raven.
This will be the best Loser Fest ever on the lawn!!