The Blog version of the articles written by Studly-C, and presented on the LTM site at www.loserturdmafia.com
Published on June 25, 2004 By Studly-C In Philosophy
There are few things in life people aspire to find. Most of these things are directly associated with money. Do not let people fool you. With money comes great happiness. Love? People will love you for money. Money is power. What would you do if you had a million dollars?

First things first. A home perhaps? If I become hassled with the responsibility to get rid of mass amounts of money which I did not earn, my home would be built underground. On the surface you would see nothing more than a normal looking elevator. When you step in, that is where the magic begins. First thing seen would be the carpet on the floor. Velvet, deep purple. As your eye glances you then see the fluffy black couch. The walls would be a solid metal, non-reflective. And a light fixture in the ceiling. If you knew where to look, you could find the buttons to lower the elevator. You see three buttons. On the first floor would be the kitchen and privy. Where are all the kitchen items? Do not ask me, I hired Nick Parsai to be my personal chief, maybe he would know. A Dumb-Waiter would be lined in the walls, and lead to the second floor.

The Arcade. This room would have all the best arcades ever made in the history of the world. Galaga, X-men, X-men vs. Streetfighter, Marvel vs. Capcom, Pacman, Centipede, all the line down clinging to the walls of the floor. In the center of the room would be a circular table, with booth chairs all around. Soft, plush, and dammed comfortable. Around the ceiling would be speakers, connected to a stereo and a large television that are inside of the wall. On a remote, a panel would slide on the wall, revealing the electronics. The plasma television would be ten feet by ten. Over by the wall, a constantly updated computer. Down another floor I would then have my room, the place I slumber. A cot and a radio.

Transportation would be easy. A motorcycle, and no, I do not mean a crouch rocket. Those damnable thingsā€¦.Oh yeah, note to self: hire a man to kill the creator of those.

Other that that, my life would not change. I would wear the same clothes, maybe some custom made, but not too extravagant.

No, I lied. If I had money I would have an apartment with comfortable
furniture and a nice computer and television, with all the trimmings. And of course the motorcycle and an assassin. Yes, yes, that would do nicely...

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