The Blog version of the articles written by Studly-C, and presented on the LTM site at www.loserturdmafia.com
Published on August 4, 2004 By Studly-C In Philosophy
As the seasons progress I am always amazed by the transformation of the world. Fall and Spring are the transitional periods in which the denizens of the planet express a combination of urges and modifications. Winter is the season in which all things rest and regenerate. The plant store the energies of their appendages so they may survive the restful slumber, as the animals take similar precautions. As the sun begins to slow in its activities the temperature recedes, causing even the formidable and untamable waters to stay their hand. Summertime however, is when the onslaught reemerges.

Anger, hatred, and death are the mascots of summer. This season is the instigator of all things evil and malevolent. The cause you ask? The cursed sun. Many believe the sun to be the giver of life and the healer of the earth; however, I implore you to consider the possibility it is the dealer of death, and the plague of the earth.

The sun’s rays heat the air with their delicious radiation and excite people into taking a more active approach to their daily life. The most classic activity amongst us is sports. These are the organizations which lead to invasions and apocalyptic wars. The structure in which the participates train their pupils is in a most strict dictatorship. The players are required to become automatons to the whim of their master, or coach if you prefer. The majority of sports programs are held in schools, which allow the head figures of these institutes the heads up to catch them while they are young, and easily coerced. Who knows? Soon they will be setting up booths in schools to enlist in the armed services.

The baleful sun is also the leading cause of chemical changes in the brain. The heat the sun radiates like poison causes people’s temperatures to raise and their wits to fail. If anyone says they have never gotten angry due to an event they normally would not be upset about without the heat, I am inclined to call a liar. Tempers are easily ignited in thanks to the sun’s heating catalyst. All of ‘humanities’ greatest wars were fought in the smoldering heat of the land. World War I, fought in the piercing rays of the sun in Western Europe. World War II had there share of bloodshed under the shearing rays in the Pacific Isles; although oddly enough, two of the confronting sides came together and played sports in December. Coincidence? The Gulf War and this recent skirmish in US history are being undertaken in the sweltering heat of the desert. And as global warming spreads its repulsive hands over the world, there will be war. Even ‘god’ was created due to heat induced delusions.

Scientist have tracked the first humans spawning somewhere in Africa. Where it is hot. These first peoples were afraid and angry at being born and uncomfortable in the heat; so they made the idea of a ‘god’ to help them. These indigenous people of Africa then split into two factions, one praising ‘god’ for the good things given to them, and hoping to lead a ‘good’ life, and another who blamed the idea of ‘god’ for all of their misfortunes. The two faction’s ideas were so different, and in the human way, they fought over who was right. The blaming when on for some time until the heat-caused agitation initiated a war, the first war. Later as more churches were manufactured and grew, this human legacy, passed down by the sun and it’s hateful burning rays, gave us the Crusades.

So the next time someone sticks a knife in your ribs, remember why they did it. The next time someone you know gets cancer, remember the source of the cancer inducing radiation. The next time you heed your creator, remember what bore his fruit. The next time a tornado rips through your home, a fire destroys your fragile flesh, when your at the beach watching half clad people mill about, and the next time an earthquake shatters your life, you know what to blame. Summertime. And heat.

Comments
on Aug 04, 2004
oh studs. welcome back, cherie. i read your article with great interest. i understand your reluctance to visit our fair shores now

mig XX
on Aug 05, 2004
genius. simply genius.
on Aug 06, 2004
I wept at the beautiful and colorful use of language that stud doth caress us with.
on Aug 07, 2004
Come in outta the sun, guy...

~~DivasRule~~
on Sep 20, 2004
You do your mom proud!!!! I just knew that all those years at Sunshine Corner Daycare would prove to be a HUGE part of your future sucess! Congrats, Sunny.....I mean Sonny! love ya, Mom