How often have we seen the dead risen? The undead as they say. Usually the damned consist of, and not limited to, zombies, demons, ghosts, ghouls, and vampires. I shall not be so naive as to assume most of my audience has not read, or at least role-played Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: Apocalypse, Demon: The Fallen, or Hunter, published by White Wolf. For those of you who have not? Fuck you and read or play them.
Now, starting off this article on my normally serious column may seem like a demented psyche run down by sleep deprivation and too much caffeine. But I assure you, I have spend my nights finding the appropriate information. For the starting entree into my logs, I will state the cases of two know Vampires in the celebrity lights.
Michael Jackson:
Numerous accounts and situations go into the knowledge of Michael Jackson’s embrace. First I would like to start off with a major player in the argument. If anyone has seen the interviews taken with said Vampire, then perhaps they, like myself, noticed the Lasombra pin he wore holding the neck of his shirt together. Now I will admit this does not seem logical. I personally do not see Michael Jackson as a Lasombra, however, I have several eye witnesses. If I had to choose a clan for the unworthy vampire, I would guess him more of a Toreador. Using the skills he was handed, he was able to dance in a better fashion, and coerce people to adore him more. Although happily to report, he was assaulted in his later years by an Elder Malkavian, and the results are obvious.
More points which have leaded me to believe he has been hastily embraced is the overwhelming pallor in his skin. Take note. When was the time he started this? After the birth of his last child his skin began to lose color and he left the house less in the day. And when he did, how was he fashioned? In the beginning he came and went wearing a full black wardrobe and a face mask. Why I wonder. Later as he acquired a resistance to the unforgiving sun, he started using an umbrella.
I dare you to overlook these minor points.
Gary Coleman:
This case of vampirism may not be as well known, however still real. The actor is presumed to have a rare disease which slows his outward age and make him rather short, like a child. Well I have come across information which leads me to know he was in fact embraced at a young age. Yes, there is an illness similar to what authorities tell us Gary Coleman has, expect those people walk in the day. In all of the year Gary Coleman has been acting, there is not one shred of evidence supporting his humanity.
In his “youth”, Gary Coleman spent his time acting indoors on a set, rather than outside, where some of his cabaret took place. How did he get home you ask? Well it is quite simple. After the late Gary Coleman worked on his façade, he would get escorted out of the building’s parking lot in a tinted half limousine. Afterward he would retire to his estate to feast. On blood. Again, to name the clan of this factual vampire, I would say a Malkavian. Why a Malk you ask? Well the complex mind of Clan Malkavian is too…complex to know really. The only guess this reporter can make, is a twisted joke, probably the same Elder which attacked Michael Jackson.
They indeed exist. I have show you the proof. I have left this article in the care of my employer, Jesse S. Damon, and have asked him to publish it if anything mysterious were to happen to me. If you are reading this, then you can assume I am either dead, or have been embraced. If I was embraced, then the brave Steve Goble will join me. Either way, I am in a better place now. Be free.